Revelation

I have had one.  I have suffered some really strange occurrances of late.  Suffered is the key word here.  I was reading this one story in a magazine where it posed the question…God never gives you any more than you can handle…really?  The woman was obviously distraught about the amount and severity of the trials she had to face.  I could identify with her.  I wondered how I would have reacted in her case.  The devil saw an opening.  Wham!  Bam!  No thank you ma’am!

I found out my brother had been diagnosed with metastatic cancer.  It just showed up EVERYWHERE.  I cried a lot!  Then I spent money to go to a Live Event in Orlando and agonized about going there or going to be with my brother.  I was assured that he’d be fine until I got back, so I flew to Orlando, got within sight of the registration desk, got hit by a revolving door and broke my hip.  I didn’t cry.  I laughed, I joked, I yelled in some cases, but I didn’t cry.  I survived the surgery, survived the 5 day drive home.  I was ok, I had 2-3 month’s worth of speech material now!  2 days after I got home, I got the word that my brother had DIED.  I didn’t get a chance to say good bye.  I cried my eyes out!  Then I got mad because of circumstances beyond my control.  I then planned a short trip to visit my sister-in-law, my brother’s widow, to get some paperwork out of the way.  The day before I left, the basement flooded and we had to get RotoRooter to come over on Labor Day to get the gunk out of our basement.  I went alone to stay with my younger brother and his wife at their house and we drove together to visit our sister-in-law.  I did the best I could  under the circumstances, realizing that the legal aspects take time and slow execution of certain transfers and other activities.

When I got home, I discovered that in my absence, no one had called the insurance agency to make a claim on the basement.  I had to take care of that.  I needed to have a follow up visit on my broken hip at an orthopedic surgeon, and I was denied because this surgeon refused to work on someone else’s patient.  I had been so inconsiderate.  I should have continued through the Live Event with a brace and crutches and taken the plane home and gotten on this orthopedic surgeon’s waiting list so I could be properly operated on in NOVEMBER, 3 months after the accident.  I have to sort this out.  I was referred to him by my GP.  I cannot continue my Physical Therapy until the orthopedic surgeon has ok’d my healing progress.  It has now been a month since the accident.

The siding under my bedroom windows is warping.  I have to call the company and see if it is something that can be fixed.

My son got flu and so I got 4 hours of sleep today.

The insurance adjuster is sending someone out to inspect the basement.

My lawyer is contacting the Hotel in Florida to see if I qualify for a settlement.

I’m in charge of a large speech contest on Thursday and I don’t have all my officials.

My brother’s memorial is October 1, so I have to figure out travel plans, hotel accommodations and how to get one of my kids in from Oklahoma if he wants to go.  I also have to face a cousin I’m most assuredly not looking forward to.  Her conversation is overwhelmingly jejune and innocuous.  I have to reschedule lessons, and I must get information on investment portfolios to help my sister-in-law settle my brother’s accounts.

All through this, there are no tears.  Just humor, but I find I am gritting my teeth and my humor is getting more edgy.  I am feeling put upon, anxious, desperate, short tempered.  I want to throw things.  (SHARP things)

Thursday, our bible study begins again.  I hurt.  I’m tired.  I’m worn.  The words of “Precious Lord, take my hand…” keep springing to mind.  I guess God’s point is that I am not MEANT to handle all this stuff.  I am not meant to juggle all these situations with aplomb and a rapier wit.  I am not meant to be jolly and dismissive of all my troubles.  I have to, at sometime, give up and give it to God to handle.  The devil is betting I won’t and I’ll drive myself completely around the bend trying to figure all these things out.  Lord?  NOW?

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